Art for That Special Occasion

The Museum of Modern Art—at a Price

Been saving up those pennies, all 2,000 of them, to visit the reopened Museum of Modern Art? Just what do you get for the extra money?

• A special bonus lottery ticket. Each day's lucky winner will take home a work from the permanent collection—or a reasonable facsimile by the postmodern artist of your choice. (And you thought they expanded because of a space problem.) Unfortunately, the director has already absconded with Starry Night.



• The very latest in security scanners, guaranteed to turn away Cat Stevens or your money back.



• Reassurance that arte povera really does mean "poor art" and has nothing whatsoever to do with poverty.



• A 10 percent discount at any Starbucks in the museum. Don't forget: there's a franchise at the end of each and every gallery. (The Futurists invented latte, you know.)



• A reminder that Ed Koch was right: Republicans can be at home in New York City.



• An architectural model of the new gallery for contemporary art, proof that your New York apartment really is a scale model.



• One night in a condo apartment built as part of the expansion plans. (Estimated value on the rental market: $2.7 million.)



• A negotiated settlement with Spain to return Guernica to Michael Jackson's ranch.



• Lack of guilt at shopping in the neighborhood. (Tiffany's isn't that much more out of your price range, right?)



• A skybox at MOMA QNS, currently being converted to a flexible combination of Olympic Village, convention center, and free, democratic Iraq.



• A free audio tour of your part in American's new ownership economy.



• Another reminder that art is much cheaper in euros.

Staying home to make your own museum? At last, there'll be positive proof that anything is not art.

jhaber@haberarts.com

The Museum of Modern Art reopened in Manhattan on November 20, 2004.